Hope: Living in the Face of Death

The more clarity I gain by the illumination of the Holy Spirit, the more hope I have. I once thought my hope was in the things I was doing and in what I had; I only found hopelessness amid the destruction of pursuing such fruitless endeavors. As I stepped away from that lifestyle, by God's grace, I began to find hope in the possibility of getting out of prison one day. For the past 23 years I had no such hope because of my faulty beliefs and the life sentence I received at the age of 16. As I continue to follow the Lord, my hope is no longer in anything that I can do, or upon anything that this world can offer me. No, my hope is now in Jesus Christ, and upon His life, death, burial, and resurrection. My blessed hope is in serving Christ no matter the cost and in living in eternity with my Lord and Savior.

Only in having this hope, by the grace of God, is the sting taken out of death. I no longer feel powerless nor fearful over that which Christ conquered. I no longer need to run myself ragged searching for things to provide me hope and instant gratification, in an attempt to distract myself from the thoughts of death and what I thought was my own mortality. No longer must I try to find meaning in the things of this world, because Christ gives meaning to life and gives me a purpose for this life. I desire to find the lost, so that I may do the will of my Father and share the Gospel with them, so that they too may have life, and have it more abundantly. I now have life because I'm no longer controlled by the fear of death. I now have hope because Christ set me free from sin and death. Jesus conquered the grave, and through Him I have eternal life.

I can now see that these present sufferings, difficulties, struggles, and challenges actually serve a purpose; I am not defeated by them. I have hope because I can rejoice in suffering, knowing that I am serving the Lord as I was called to do, and glorify Him who gave me life. I know that just as Jesus suffered, I too will suffer, but I don't lose hope because I know it is part of God's plan, and His will be done. I know that this life is but a vapor, and I make the best use of the time. I await the life to come, where I shall live with my Savior, just as I've been promised. Oh what a blessed hope I have, and not death nor anything may take that away from me, because Christ has secured it by His blood.

In the face of death, life had no meaning, and I was powerless to change it. At a very young age I began to realize that death is what I lived for. I remember vividly that when I was realizing this for the first time, I was paralyzed with fear. As the days and years wore on, I continued to have such thoughts; as I let the thoughts take root, all that my mind could conjure up were thoughts of nothingness. These thoughts terrified me. I realized that all that I knew would come to an end one day, and that I and all the people I cared for would cease to exist. It didn't make sense, and the anxiety that arose haunted me. Instead of trying to make sense of it, I tried to push the thoughts away, to do all I could to distract myself. This seemed to help, but did nothing to actually resolve the pervasive fear or provide meaning in my life. Although I escaped the incapacitating fears of those early years, they still drove my subconscious throughout my life, because I never truly dealt with them.

I no longer have those fears, because I have faith in God's word and the promise He has made me. I no longer feel powerless, because I now realize God is in complete control, and I trust in Him and His divine providence for my life. There is no use kicking and fighting against Him; before, that only caused me strife that I didn't know how to handle. I became self-centered because that is what I believed life was about, looking out for myself, and it seemed to be all about finding out how to best fulfill my needs, and have fun while doing it. I did not know God; I wanted to be God, and thought that was the best way to overcome my fears and provide me hope in this life. I never went and sought answers, but rather followed those around me, listened to the messages the media sent, and accepted it as truth, because everybody else seemed to be doing the same thing. It was the path of least resistance. Now, I don't follow the masses; I check everything according to the will of God, because I am here to serve and give glory to God, and how to do that is all laid out for me in the Holy Scriptures.